


sweethearts

by bewareoftrips



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Riverparents, everyone loves fred, good old fashion shenanigans, parentdale, theres no real plot to this it was just fun, thotty fred, valentines day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:40:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22757956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bewareoftrips/pseuds/bewareoftrips
Summary: Fred has too many dates for Valentine's Day but what else is new
Relationships: Alice Cooper/Hal Cooper, Fred Andrews & Alice Cooper, Fred Andrews & Hal Cooper, Fred Andrews/FP Jones II, Fred Andrews/Hermione Lodge, Fred Andrews/Mary Andrews, Fred Andrews/Penelope Blossom
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12
Collections: Fall in Love with Riverdale: A Valentine's Event





	sweethearts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jugheadjones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jugheadjones/gifts).



**Friday, February 14, 1992**

Fred just loved to ruin nights. 

“Al, Al, Al!” Fred skid to a halt in his beat up converses and grabbed Alice’s arm to steady himself. She tugged herself out of his grip and turned back to Hal, trying to ignore her friend. “Al! Alice, please, I need your -”

“Buzz off, Fred!” she snapped, wrapping her arms around Hal’s neck and swaying back and forth. “We’re dancing!” 

“But I need your help!”

“Frederick, Hal needs to be home before midnight or he might turn into a pumpkin. Stop wasting our time!”

“Alice, come on! Al!” She turned her head hard, her curls smacking Fred’s sports jacket (borrowed without permission from his brother’s closet, thank you very much Oscar). “Al, if you won’t help - Hal! Hal, you’ll -” He stopped speaking so suddenly that the couple had no choice but to look his way. A smile was curling on Fred’s face. “Al and Hal. How did I just get that?” 

“What do you want, Andrews?” Alice growled, horrified that the rhyming nicknames would stick. She’d sooner call her boyfriend Harold than she’d let Fred spread the word that they were going by Al and Hal now. “Shouldn’t you be singing?”

Fred waved towards the stage where Alice knew Gladys had taken his spot not five minutes ago to give him a break. She was belting out a dramatic rendition of Love Hurts. Not exactly appropriate for the Valentine’s Day Dance but Alice wasn’t on that committee. 

“She’s got this. Anyway, I have a problem with my Valentines.” He rubbed the back of his neck, glancing around the place. “I may have a few too many of them.”

Alice and Hal exchanged eye rolls. 

“How many is too many?” Hal asked. Alice stepped on his foot. 

“Anything more than one is too many.” She unlinked herself from Hal, much to his disappointment. “What’s the damage?”

Fred jumped in front of Hal to hide as a group of girls passed. “It’s not my fault!” Fred cried. 

“It never is.” She poked him. “Spill.”

“Hermione said yes to me.” He shuffled his feet. “And Mary - well I had already asked Mary by that point knowing she’d say no! Only she didn’t say no. She said yes. And then to top it all off I promised FP if we did this gig at the dance tonight - you know he hates doing school dances - then we’d hang out the whole weekend, just the two of us, no dates -”

“Sounds an awful lot like a date to me.”

“And like,” Fred put both hands on top of his head, “it’s Friday, you know? Today is the dance. I figured this is it! I didn’t think the whole weekend was considered Valentines! So when Penelope asked me weeks ago to help her chaperone the middle school dance tomorrow, I said yes. But now Mary and Hermione expect me to take them out tomorrow and Penelope needs me at this dance, but FP wants me to not go out with anyone and just hang out with him and -”

“Fred, relax.” Hal put a hand on either of Fred’s shoulders. “I think I know a thing or two about girl troubles.”

Fred raised an eyebrow. “Do you?” 

“Yeah, Hal.” Alice jabbed a finger into his side. “Do you?” 

The music died down from the front and Gladys’ voice rang around across the gym. 

“Principal Featherhead would like me to remind everyone that this is a school dance, not Miller’s Point, so everyone keep their hands to themselves.” She let out a grin. “That means you, Coop.”

Hal quickly pushed Fred out of his arms as half the student body turned to look at them, snickers following. Gladys laughed and undid the top two buttons of her blouse. 

“This one is for anyone bored after this snoozefest and can do for some company later tonight.” She snapped for FP to give her a beat. 

“ _ We’ve been here too long _ _  
_ _ Trying to get along _ _  
_ _ Pretending that you’re oh so shy _ _  
_ _ I’m a natural ma’am _ __  
_ Doing all I can _ _  
_ __ My temperature is running high ”

Principal Featherhead ran up on stage and tried to pull the mic out of Gladys’ hands before she could start asking the crowd who wanted to touch her where, but the band - minus Fred of course - kept playing behind her. 

“Fred!” Hermione came gliding up behind Fred with a grace and delicacy no one else in the school could muster. “Why am I listening to the squawking of some Joan Jett knockoff instead of you?”

“Funny story there.” Fred slowly backed up until he was beside Hal. One quick dart and he could duck behind him if this went south. “My throat was feeling a little scratchy and -”

“The only reason I am even at this lame dance is because you said you couldn’t take me out tonight.” She closed in on him. “And now you’ve abandoned your post? I could have went out with Hiram tonight! He wanted to take me on a moonlit ride down Sweetwater River in his yacht!”

“But the river’s frozen,” Hal chimed in. “It’s February.” Hermione glared. “I mean, I’m sure you guys were going to work out the details of it being, like - like winter and all.”

“What, Hal?” Hermione raised the rhinestone clutch in her hand. “Do you think Hiram was lying to me or do you think I just made up this whole story to yell at Fred?”

Hal looked helplessly at Alice who glanced over at Hal’s shoulder at Fred. She gave him a curt nod. “I think he’s calling you a liar, Hermione.”

Fred felt lousy about it, but he ran. Ran like his life depended on it. He heard a thump somewhere behind him and wondered if Hermione threw her clutch at poor Hal. Better that than one of her shoes at least. He got back to the stage door and ducked in. Gladys and Fatherhead could still be heard arguing - Gladys had naturally kept the mic on - but the band had stopped. He picked up his guitar where he’d left it haphazardly on a folding chair and swung the strap over his shoulder. 

“Hey Fred!” He stopped in his tracks. “Hold on a sec!” 

Mary was leaning over a table, scribbling something on one of those clipboards she always seemed to have tucked under her arm at school events. When she straightened out, Fred noticed her high heels. They made her just a smidge taller than him, a power move on her part that he could get behind. She looked happy to see him for the first time since they were maybe in the sixth grade. 

“Play some Beach Boys.” She tucked some hair behind her ears. “It’ll fix whatever’s going on out there.”

Fred sighed. “FP hates The Beach Boys. Refuses to call it rock.”

“Well Featherhead loves them.” She tapped his arm with the clipboard. “It’ll soften him up. Get him to not ban you guys from ever playing a school dance again.”

“The song isn’t about sex!” Gladys’ voice rang out from the stage. “And even if it was, what’s so wrong about expressing it, huh? If a boy was up here singing to the crowd about someone to touch him -”

“Oh, and maybe stay on theme? Please?” Mary pointed her pen towards the stage. “I support the message behind what she’s saying but,” she rolled her eyes, “even I can’t make the argument that that was a Valentine’s song.”

“It was about touching.”

“Stick to the topic of love please. But like,” she blushed, “clean love and all. Hand stuff - hand holding, I mean. Not sex. I mean - oh, you know what I mean.”

Fred winked at her and Mary looked embarrassed all over again. “So The Beach Boys, huh?”

She nodded quickly. “Trust me. It’ll work.” Fred turned to walk back on stage and she called his name. “I know this is stupid, but I’m actually really excited about our date tomorrow.”

“Date?” Fred squeaked. 

Mary raised a brow. “Ace Bowling Alley and share some cheese fries at Pops after? We made these plans two weeks ago.” She paused. “Unless you’re busy -”

“Of course I’ll be busy.” Fred wiped away some sweat from his brow as he eyed FP on the stage. He was attempting to twirl his drumsticks between his fingers. “Busy with you. I - what time should we leave? You know what?” He clapped her on the arms. “I will call you tomorrow and iron out the details. Beach Boys, I got it!”

Idiot! Mary literally gave him an out and he blew it! Oh well. He’d just have to move his date with Hermione to another time. Or maybe take them both somewhere around the middle school so he wouldn’t let Penelope down. Maybe if he plopped FP down in front of the tv with a new Eightendo game, he wouldn’t even realize how long Fred would be gone for. Or maybe he could just find FP a date himself. Maybe he could pawn him off on Gladys for a few hours. FP did look delighted at the fuss she was causing on stage with Featherhead. 

“I’m back, Principal F!” Fred gave his most innocent smile. “I was thinking a little Wouldn’t It Be Nice. Thanks for filling in, G. You can get going.”

Gladys smirked. “Take five, Jones!” She jutted her head off the stage. “You’re too heavy handed to do the soft stuff.”

She nudged FP until he nearly fell off his stool and gave up. He handed her the sticks. A few minutes off would be nice.

“Oh, hey, no!” Fred waved. “You can’t go out there, FP. Too many people, you don’t like dances - hey!”

He ignored Fred’s calls and hopped off the stage. Fred had been acting weird the last week or so, or at least as what qualified as weird behavior for Fred. But then again it was Valentine’s and Freddie always got a little out of his mind this time of year anyway. It was as much tradition as Fred handing out those chalky candy hearts to everyone he came across so he could call everyone his Valentine. 

Hermione and Hal looked like they were in the middle of a heated debate in the middle of the dance floor. Or at least Hermione looked like she was in the middle of a debate. Hal looked like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world.

“All I want to know, Hal,” she spit his name out like it left a bad taste in her mouth, “is what you meant by maybe Hiram would make a better date than Fred!” Even in her heels she was still half a foot shorter than Hal, but she was making him look tiny. “If you know something you better open your fat mouth!”

“What’s going on?” he asked Alice who was busy examining her nails and looking bored. 

“Oh you know,” she shrugged, “the usual. My boyfriend has to learn when to shove his foot in his mouth. I’m trying to figure out how long I should let this go on for before I step in.”

A quick whistle from behind made them jump. Penelope dropped the whistle from it’s lanyard and shook her head. 

“I only like to use this in case of emergencies,” she hissed at Hal and Hermione, “but I believe I was right in this case. Any and all quarrels must be taken off the dance floor. The dance floor is for dancing only. If there is some issue I am sure we can set up a peer mentor to counsel.”

“I will shove that whistle down your throat if you blow it at me again!” Hermione made a grab for it but Penelope jumped back, almost landing on FP’s foot. “What is this? Revenge for cheerleading practice?”

“No,” Penelope said a little too quickly to be believed. “This is my chaperone whistle. I typically only have to use it at the middle school but sometimes,” she shook her head, “high school students get a little rowdy themselves. And I’m not even officially a chaperone at this dance. Are you okay, Hal? I didn’t expect this behavior from you.”

Hal laughed loudly and suddenly. “Wow, Pen. You’re going to chaperone the middle school dance tomorrow? That sounds like a blast.”

“She didn’t say that,” Hermione said slowly. “She just said she uses it -”

“Lets go talk about this somewhere. Somewhere that’s not here.” He made a grab for her arm and she pulled away.

“What has gotten into you, Hal?” Penelope asked suspiciously. “Arguing with Hermione at a school event?” She glanced over her shoulder at Alice. “That isn’t like you at all.”

“Really, Pen.” He made another grab for her arm. “I want to hear all about chaperoning.”

“Harold.” She slapped his hand away. “It is just an easy way to get community service hours.”

“Community service?” FP’s ears perked up. “No shit. What did you do, Penelope?”

“Community service isn’t meant to be a punishment.” She crossed her arms and stared him down. “Normal people do it out of the goodness of their hearts.”

Alice sucked her teeth. “Is it really from the goodness of your heart if you’re just doing it to pad your college applications?” 

Penelope glared. “Absolutely.”

“I mean there’s nothing wrong with wanting to pad your college apps,” Alice sighed. “But just own up to it.”

“Many people do community service out of the goodness of their hearts!” Penelope hissed. “I will have you know Fred Andrews -”

“Has the voice of an angel!” Hal stepped between the girls. “You hear him up there? But enough about Fred, how about we talk about -”

“God, don’t talk about Fred,” FP scoffed, wanting to talk more about Fred. “Dragged me to this stupid, corny dance tonight. And I can’t believe I’ll have to do another of these dances next Valentines. On a Saturday night nonetheless.”

Hal paused with one hand on Alice and one on Penelope, making sure the two didn’t get too close to one another. “Next Valentine's Day is going to be a Sunday.”

“No.” FP rolled his eyes. “It’s Friday and it’s Valentine’s so next year -”

“But it’s a leap year.”

FP’s eyes twitched. “What’s that have to do with anything?”

“Well a leap year means that there’s an extra day -”

“I know what a leap year is!”

“Well you asked -”

“I mean that doesn’t change the date of Valentine’s!” 

“No, but it changes the day of the week of it!” Hal laughed. “We gain an extra day so every day after February 29th this year will be two days off from the previous year instead -”

“Oh shut the hell up, Hal!” Hermione snapped, hands on her hips. “Quit it with the nerd shit. All I want to know is why you think I should cancel my date with -”

“Hiram!” Alice yelled, pointing behind Hermione. “God, is he flirting with Melinda down there? You should go put a stop to that.” Her eyes widened. “And oh shit, here comes Mary. A goddamn cherry on top.”

Mary came over at a quick walk, nearly tripping over her own two feet in her short heels. FP grabbed her before she could fall. 

“Everything is set.” Mary said gleefully. “Fred is sweating.”

“Well that isn’t anything to judge, Mary.” Penelope shook her head. “He is working very hard up there right now. Performing is tough work.”

Mary ignored her and turned to Hermione. “We really have him fooled.”

The frown on Hermione’s face morphed into a wicked grin. “Excellent. This is going to be a riot!”

“What?” The rest of the group eyed them as the girls grasped hands and laughed.

“Well Fred asked me out -”

“And then asked me out the same day! What a dumbo -”

“As if we don’t talk to each other -”

“So we both said yes -”

“And we’ve just been watching him sweat this whole time -”

“And we’re still waiting to see how he’s going to try and pull this off.”

“But it doesn’t even matter,” Hermione finished, “because we’re both standing him up tomorrow and going to the new mall in Centerfield anyway.” 

“So he’s either going to be waiting in the bowling alley or the roller rink for a very long time before he realizes we’re not coming.” 

“Good riddance!” they said together with a laugh.

“What the fuck,” FP growled under his breath. “Fred promised me we’d spend this whole weekend together if I did this stupid dance instead of - of whatever else we could have been doing tonight.” His face twitched. “We were going to go see Wayne’s World tomorrow.”

“Oh how romantic.” Hermione rolled her eyes. “Why are you surprised? Fred does this crap all the time.”

“Show a little compassion.” Mary nudged her friend. “You want to come to Centerville with us?” 

“No. I have plenty I could be doing.” FP crossed his arms over his chest. “I mean maybe. I don’t know.” He hunched his shoulders up. “You driving? They got a Mango Julius in this mall?”

The three of them waved half-hearted goodbyes and sauntered off towards the door, FP seemingly not caring that he was supposed to finish the set with the band. Alice stomped her foot against the floor.

“Can you believe them? What a bunch of idiots!” She turned to Hal. “And you know Fred will just do this crap to them all again!” Hal ran his hand against his neck for Alice to stop talking but she ignored it. “Triple booking dates and they’re not even going to rip him a new asshole in front of the whole student body! I -”

“Alice!” Hal hissed, jutting his head at Penelope. The redhead was staring down at her feet. “Stop.”

“Oh.” Alice felt a wave of guilt wash over her and pushed it away. “Oh, sorry. Quadruple booked dates. I mean you could probably like, go to the mall tomorrow too, Penelope.”

“You okay, Pen?” Hal delicately placed a hand on Penelope’s shoulder. Much to their surprise, she was beaming when she looked up. 

“Oh, this is wonderful.” Penelope couldn’t hold in her grin. “I mean Fred said he would help chaperone this dance with me, but I didn’t dream he would actually make it. And now,” she crossed her arms smugly, “I’ll have him all to myself. How delightful.” A dreamily sigh escaped her. “That Fred Andrews certainly is a gentleman.” She walked off too, whistle ready to tell off some freshman for dancing too close. Alice scowled. 

“Everyone is a damn idiot when it comes to Fred Andrews.” She rubbed her temples. “Aren’t they?”

Hal shrugged and pulled Alice back into a move to dance. “Yeah, but I kind of get it.”

Alice groaned. “Glad one of us does.” 


End file.
